How to have strong adult friendships

Leaving your hometown to go to university is often a great way to make new friends. Going out for meals, on nights out and more, it can feel like you’ve made friends for life. So it’s natural that it feels a bit of a kick in the teeth when you don’t hear from them so much after you leave uni. Adult friendships can take more effort and planning once you move away from each other.

As ever with these things, no one really emphasises how much of a unique situation living at university is. You’re often living in the same house or just down the road from your friends, and you recognise everyones faces around campus. It’s a bit like school but you’re probably a bit more tired and stressed. The ability to see your friends every minute of every day is an experience that won’t often come around again once you’ve left uni.

Friendship groups at uni are often made up of people from all over the country and even the world. Finding your best friend in someone from the other side of the country is all well and good when you’re in the same city for uni, but afterwards it kinda sucks.

Here are a few ways you can make sure to not get yourself down about friendships when you’re an adult!

Make sure they’re okay

Before getting upset that you’ve not seen your friend in a while, make sure that they’re okay and aren’t avoiding social situations for one reason or another. Reach out to your mates and make sure they’re settling into adult life and offer them support. If they’re feeling a bit sad after university, you can find ways to help them here.

Have an open mind

Life gets busy. We’re all starting to realise that I’m sure. While it would be nice to be able to see your friends every day, there just isn’t enough time in the week – and that’s okay. Don’t overthink things if your friend hasn’t arranged to see you in a while or hasn’t got back to you with a date yet.

Don’t have high expectations

It’s hard to adjust to the fact that at school and uni you saw your friends pretty much every day, and now you’d be happy to make it once a month. Don’t worry if you’re not seeing them once a week, even if it’s been 2 months remember that time and distance get in the way and it’s just something you need to work around with adult friendships.

Adult friendships quote saying I'm free Tuesday and oh I'm only free Thursday

Plan far ahead

The time for spontaneity has more or less gone when you don’t live in the same postcode. If you offer some dates for the next month or two to your friend, hopefully you’ll be able to find a date that works for both of your calendars and you can plan it all out in good time.

FaceTime and phone calls

If you feel like you’ve not caught up with your friend in a while, find a time to give them a call and have a good chat with no interruptions. While this isn’t the same as meeting up and having a good catch up over a drink or food, it’s the next best thing and means you can stay up to date with everything going on.


Overall, it’s important to not lose hope on friendships when distance can begin to strain them. What are your techniques for staying in touch with your mates when life gets in the way? Leave a comment below!

This Post Has 8 Comments

  1. Jessica Ruiz

    I feel like the best friends you have can go years without talking and pick up right where you left off the last time you saw them. 🙂

    1. maddieastle

      Definitely agree with this! It’s such a nice feeling too 😊

  2. My Haute Talk

    Great advice. I moved from
    California to the east coast a year ago FaceTime has been great with my friends back west to stay in touch and planning ahead here with my new friends Is a must!

    1. maddieastle

      Thank you! FaceTime has made it a lot easier to stay in touch, I’m glad it’s worked out for you 😆

  3. Aimee

    Great post! I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how quickly friendships deflate once everyone has gone to uni. It’s crazy how little time everyone seems to have. I have found is especially difficult to make plans because my term ends a few weeks before all my friends’ unis do, so by the time they end, I’m already going back! A short weekly phone call (even just half an hour!) can definitely make all the difference or a text every now and then just to ask how they are doing is always appreciated!

    1. maddieastle

      Thank you! I found this to be the case too while at uni! Or people just weren’t around when I was so I never got to see them. We are lucky to be able to stay in touch so easily with texts and calls!

  4. amymayj

    These are some great tips, I always find the best thing is to book in a date to see one another every couple of months at the very least if not more. It makes such a difference and it gives you something to look forward to. Plus, never underestimate the power of just sending a quick text or FB message – it means the world when you know your friend from far away is still thinking of you 🙂

    1. maddieastle

      Thank you! Yes it’s a great way to know you’ve got a time planned to see each other and something to look forward to 😊 it is very easy to stay in touch with messaging now!

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